I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
