It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
