I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize