You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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