i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
