no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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