question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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