I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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