I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
