in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
