And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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