I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
