you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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