This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
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There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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