you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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