I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
