Pants 0. Shit 1.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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Someone shattered a urinal.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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