So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
