Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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