I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.