you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers