her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
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That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.