can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!