So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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