defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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