i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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