i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
