does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
