are you still at the devil's house?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
