how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
