we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
