I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
