This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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