i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
