Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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