i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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