i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
