This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
