Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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