There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
