The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I need moral support for this bender
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
