I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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