i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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