gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
