When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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