man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
