I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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