Dual....:-)
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
