My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
