you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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