I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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