dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
