My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
