I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We're too hungover to prance.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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