found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize