Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
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Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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