my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she looked like the before picture.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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