just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
