It's like God shit irony all over that family
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
