some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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