i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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