I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
