I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
