He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
