What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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