Need sex. Gaining weight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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