He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
