Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
