Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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