I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
